


hero of war

by poetictragedy



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, Biting, Character Death, Dirty Talk, Flashbacks, Grief, M/M, PTSD, Scratching, mostly just flashbacks and whatnot, some violence but not a whole lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-13
Updated: 2012-10-13
Packaged: 2017-11-16 05:25:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/535991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetictragedy/pseuds/poetictragedy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the past two years, 26 year old Jensen Ackles has been fighting for his country and, after all that time, he’s finally going home. There are numerous people - friends and family - that are waiting in Dallas for Jensen’s return - one in particular, his 24 year old boyfriend, Jared Padalecki.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hero of war

“Jensen! Come out here,  _now_!” The voice pulls Jensen from his thoughts and he immediately drops the shirt in his hand, running around the end of his cot. He sprints to the front of the tent and bursts through the opening and into the blazing heat, looking around at all the soldiers surrounding him: they’re dirty, sweaty, and a few of them are bloodied. 

Swallowing hard, he pushes through the crowd and finds Misha Collins, a fellow soldier and one of his best friends in the army. Misha is kneeling beside an immobile body, and Jensen feels an empty pit form in his stomach. He swallows again and nudges Misha with his calve, before dropping to his knees, eyes on the man in front of them. 

It takes Jensen longer than he’d like to realize that guy laying on the sand in front of them is Richard, another best friend. A sob threatens to leave his throat but Jensen somehow manages to swallow it down, moving a shaky hand to Richard’s chest, his fingertips skirting through warm, sticky blood. “Jesus,” he mumbles, swallowing as he moves his gaze from the hole in Richard’s chest to his eyes, which are wide open and fixed on him.

“He doesn’t have long,” says Misha and he turns, icy blue eyes on Jensen’s face. “And he was askin’ for you the whole way back, could barely make out what he was saying though.”

Richard’s lips start to move after Misha’s words fade away, almost as though that were his cue to speak. A strangled noise leaves his mouth and Jensen swallows back another sob, shaking his head as he leans over; one hand cupping Richard’s jaw, the other pressed against his chest, covered completely in blood. “Hey, hey - it’s alright, Richard. Don’t say anything, okay?”

Jensen watches as the light in Richard’s eyes fades and feels his chest stop moving underneath his palm. This time, he lets the sob go and moves his hand up to Richard’s eyelids, gently closing them. With a sigh, Jensen turns to Misha and sniffles, feeling tears well up in his eyes. Misha gives him a small, sympathetic smile and then fishes around in the pocket of his vest.

“He gave me this, after he said your name,” Misha mumbles as he pulls a letter out, along with a necklace. “I figured you’d know what to do with it.” He hands the things to Jensen and gives a curt nod before standing. Holding the things between shaky fingertips, Jensen looks at the necklace and then back down at Richard, letting the tears fall freely.

After slipping the things into his pocket, Jensen sits back on his heels and looks at Richard’s body, wiping tears away with the backs of his hands. Eventually, he’s the only one standing there and Jensen looks around them, looking at all the soldiers that could die  _tonight_  and he sobs harder, his body shaking violently from crying.

It’s not the first time a man has broken down over a dead friend, and Jensen sure as hell isn’t embarrassed; after seeing what he’s seen, and doing what he’s done, Jensen figures that he’s entitled to a cry every now and then. 

More time goes by and Jensen starts to think he’s the only one that cared about Richard, before he hears soft footsteps approach him. Sniffling, he turns and scrunches his eyes, fixating them on two men: Lieutenant Mark Pellegrino, and Misha. The Lieutenant holds a hand out to Jensen and, for a split second, Jensen contemplates not taking it. Deciding that would be a rude thing to do, he takes the offered hand and allows himself to be pulled up. 

When he’s standing, Jensen looks from the Lieutenant to Misha, giving them a soft, sad smile. “He told me,” he starts off, fishing the necklace and letter out of his pocket, “when we first met, that if anything happens to him, I should send this to his daughter.”

“And it’s an honorable thing you’re doing, respecting his wishes.” Pellegrino moves a hand to Jensen’s shoulder and squeezes it reassuringly, smiling at him. For some reason that Jensen can’t quite understand, that smile makes him feel better and he nods his head a bit, returning it weakly. 

“He was one of my best friends, Lieutenant,” Jensen mutters, running his non-bloody thumb over the necklace, sighing heavily. “Guess I should probably put this in my bag, huh? So I don’t forget it..” Shaking his head, Jensen maneuvers around Misha and Pellegrino, making his way to the tent. 

When he walks in, no one is talking and the atmosphere is one of sadness and grief; Jensen can feel loss in the air and he sighs heavily, standing at the end of his cot. Grabbing his bag, Jensen blinks back tears and opens it, putting the letter and necklace with all of Jared’s letters, for safe keeping.  _Of course this happens the morning I leave_ , he thinks to himself as he sets the bag on the cot again, before walking around, grabbing a bottle of water next to his bed. He washes his hands quickly and dries them on the cot, before grabbing his uniform.

Jensen pulls on his uniform quietly and grabs his things when he’s done, slinging a bag on either of his shoulders, heading toward the jeeps taking them to the air base. Lieutenant Pellegrino is there, standing with the departing soldiers, and just before he joins them, Jensen feels a hand on his arm. Turning, he looks at Misha, who’s got a sheepish smile on his face and laughs softly at it.

“What’s up, Misha?” Jensen turns completely and sets his heaviest bag on the ground at his feet, his eyes locked on Misha. The other man shrugs and then looks around, before turning his attention back to Jensen, holding out a hand to him.

“It was a pleasure serving with you, Ackles.” The smile on Misha’s face widens and Jensen drops his other bag, taking the man’s hand in his own. They shake firmly and Jensen wraps his arm around Misha’s shoulders, clapping him on the back. “You too, man,” he mutters as he pulls away, and squeezes Misha’s hand again. “Don’t forget now, when you get back to the states, you’ve gotta come down to Dallas and meet Jared.”

Misha’s smile fades a tiny bit and then broadens as he nods, chuckling lightly. “Yeah, I’ll bring the wife and kid down with me.”

“You better.” Jensen laughs and claps Misha on the shoulder before bending down to grab his bags, hoisting them both up onto his own shoulders. “You be careful around here, alright? I don’t wanna lose another friend.” Tears rim Jensen’s eyes again and he sighs heavily, nodding solemnly at Misha, before turning to join his fellow soldiers.

An hour after they climb into the jeeps, Jensen and his fellow soldiers arrive at the air base and board their plane. Close to another hour after  _that_ , they take off and Jensen realizes that he’s sitting next to Lieutenant Pellegrino, who is unusually quiet.

“Everything alright, sir?” Jensen asks, straightening up in his seat a bit, forehead furrowing as he concentrates on Pellegrino. When the Lieutenant turns, he smiles at Jensen and nods a bit, exhaling sharply. Returning the nod, Jensen leans back against his seat, resting one hand on his lap, the other on his chest. He idly touches the cross around his neck - the one Jared gave to him shortly before he was deployed - and closes his eyes.

“I bet your family’s excited to have you back.” Lieutenant Pellegrino’s voice is soft when he speaks and Jensen blinks his eyes open, turning to look at him. There’s a hint of a smile on the Lieutenant’s face and Jensen chuckles quietly, nodding. 

“Yeah, real excited, sir,” Jensen replies easily and presses the cross between his forefinger and thumb, “and my boyfriend.” If Jensen had said that to anyone else, he might have expected a different reaction; instead, Pellegrino smiles and nods his head, leaning back against his seat. 

After a moment of silence, the Lieutenant speaks up, “Not many military relationships last as long as yours has, Ackles. You’re lucky, you know.” 

“Yes sir,” Jensen replies. “I know, I’m extremely lucky - I’ve got a great guy waitin’ for me at home, and he’s been with me through all of this.” After he speaks, Jensen falls silent and looks out the window, twisting the cross in his fingers, listening to Pellegrino hum in an affirming way.

Several hours later, their plane lands in Dallas and Jensen sits straight up when the pilot announces that they have arrived at their destination. Heart pounding rapidly, Jensen buckles himself in and folds both hands on his lap, looking around anxiously. 

“Welcome home, soldier.” Pellegrino extends his hand to Jensen and he takes it eagerly, shaking it as he smiles. “Thank you, sir.” The Lieutenant smiles and nods his head slowly, pulling his hand back as he leans against the seat. 

Jensen’s one of the first off the plane and he practically runs through the terminal, stopping only at the end of the gate to pant heavily. When he looks up, Jensen sees Jared and a grin spreads across his face as he runs toward him, immediately throwing his arms around Jared’s neck, bursting into tears. He hears Jared chuckle and smiles, tears streaming down his face as he buries it against Jared’s shoulder, mumbling, “I missed you.  _God_ , you smell good.”

Laughing a little louder, Jared wraps his arms around Jensen’s shoulders and presses a kiss against his hair. “I missed you too, and I know - I showered  _just_  for you.” 

“Smart ass,” Jensen mumbles before pulling away, letting out a noise that’s somewhere between a sob and a laugh. “You are  _beautiful,_ ” he breathes, moving a hand to Jared’s face, touching his cheek lightly. A smile breaks across Jared’s face and he brings one of his own hands up, cupping Jensen’s jaw, thumbing across his cheek.

“And you’re pretty beautiful yourself, soldier.” Tilting Jensen’s face up, Jared leans in and kisses his lips, breathing gently against them. Jensen swallows hard and moves his other hand up, tangling his fingers in Jared’s long hair, holding him in place as he kisses Jared slowly. After a moment, Jared pulls away and licks his lips slowly, grinning as he moves his hand down, wrapping it around Jensen’s side. “I missed doing that about as much as I missed you.”

“You missed it more and you know it,” Jensen grumbles and sighs happily, running his fingers through Jared’s hair slowly, tilting his head to the side, admiring his boyfriend silently. And Jared doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t move, just watches Jensen carefully, rubbing small circles on his side. “Can we get out of here? I’ve had a bad day…”

Nodding, Jared pulls away reluctantly and holds his hand out for Jensen to take. “Yeah, you go out to the truck and I’ll get your bags.”  

Jensen looks down and slips his hand into Jared’s, slotting their fingers together before squeezing them softly. He doesn’t say anything as they make their way toward baggage claim, just stays close to Jared and listens to him talk about their family, the dogs, and the plans their mothers made for Jensen’s return.

“But you don’t have to go, if you don’t feel up to it,” Jared mutters as they stop at the baggage carousel, giving Jensen’s hand a soft squeeze. “I’m sure they’ll understand, you know.”

Jensen shakes his head and swallows hard, suddenly remembering that the hand that’s clasped firmly in Jared’s, was bloody mere hours before. “I don’t know, I just,” he pauses and sighs, clenching his eyes shut before continuing, “I just wanna get home for now. See Sadie and Harley, and maybe have a beer or two.” 

“Alright.” With a soft sigh, Jared lifts his free hand and brushes his fingers over Jensen’s cheek slowly, leaning in to kiss him gently. Keeping his eyes shut, Jensen makes a noise against Jared’s lips and swallows hard when they ease away, blinking rapidly. “Go out and get into the truck, alright?” Jared moves his hand away and fishes in his pocket for his key ring, handing it to Jensen when he finds it, whispering, “I’ll be out there in a few minutes.”

Nodding slowly, Jensen takes the keys and reluctantly pulls his hand away from Jared’s, turning to walk toward the exit. All around him, people are talking - kids are laughing and running around, and all Jensen hears is gunshots and screaming. By the time he gets to the door, Jensen’s struggling to take a breath and he leans against the wall, eyes shut tightly. 

Minutes pass before Jensen’s able to take a deep breath, and he crouches over, hands on his knees. When he can breathe better, Jensen straightens up and moves a hand up, taking his hat off to run a hand through his hair. People are looking at him with strange looks (most of them being sympathy or worry) and Jensen smiles softly at them, before walking across the parking lot.

Jensen finds Jared’s truck easily and opens the passenger side door, removing his coat before laying it on the backseat, along with his hat. This makes it easier for him to breathe, and Jensen climbs into the passenger seat, leaning over to put the keys in the ignition, turning the engine on. Once the growl of the engine fills the cab, Jensen leans back against the seat and watches for Jared in the rear view mirror, his breathing shallow. 

By the time Jared gets to the truck, almost ten minutes later, Jensen is completely calmed down, and he’s listening to some old, classic rock on the radio. He’s singing to a song when Jared climbs into the truck, and he keeps going for half a minute, until he hears Jared laugh. Turning red, Jensen looks at Jared and stops singing, biting his lower lip.

“Having fun?” Jared asks as he buckles up and Jensen nods a bit, mimicking Jared’s actions, setting back against his seat. “Good, I’m glad. Now, let’s go home, shall we?”

“ _Please_.” Jensen drags the word out and sighs heavily, looking out the window as Jared backs out of the parking spot. He watches as cars and people pass by the window, trying to keep his thoughts light as they exit the parking lot and get onto the highway. 

The silence between Jensen and Jared isn’t forced, but comfortable, and Jensen is thankful for it; he knows that, if his family came to pick him up, they would be asking him a bunch of questions, making his day worse. At least with Jared, Jensen knows that the questions will come later, when they’re at home and Jensen has had time to adjust to being home.

Driving with only the low hum of the radio, Jared watches Jensen out of the corner of his eye and smiles softly, happy to have him home. When they stop at red lights or stop signs, Jared turns a little in his seat to get a better look at Jensen, taking him all in. 

When they get home, Jared pulls into the garage and shuts the truck off, turning to smile broadly at Jensen. “Welcome home, soldier.”

Jensen turns when Jared speaks and smiles softly, unbuckling himself before leaning forward, pressing his lips against Jared’s in a short, chaste kiss. Humming quietly against the kiss, Jared pulls away and smiles more, moving to unbuckle himself before climbing out and walking around to the bed of the truck.

With a heavy sigh, Jensen opens the door and steps out of the truck, grabbing his hat and coat from the backseat before shutting the door. He walks around to the end of the truck with Jared and leans against him slightly, watching him grab the two bags from the truck bed. 

“Come on, lets get you inside and out of the outfit - even though it looks  _ridiculously_  sexy on you.” Jared laughs quietly and Jensen swats him with his hat, chuckling a little in response. They walk to the side door and Jensen can hear the dogs barking just beyond the door, his heart pounding rapidly in his chest. “Oh, yeah - Sadie and Harley are pretty excited to have you home.” 

“Hurry up and  _open_  the door, don’t wanna keep them waiting.” Jensen nudges Jared in the back and laughs quietly, watching as he twists the knob and pushes the door open quickly. The moment the door is open, they walk in and Jensen sets his things on the table, before Sadie jumps up on him. Laughing, he scratches behind her ears and squats down, running a hand down her side. “Sadie,” he coos and laughs quietly, “I missed you too. Were you a good puppy for Jared while I was gone?”

“She was a fantastic puppy.” Jared stands behind Jensen and watches him with Sadie, a wide smile on his face. “I’m going to go put these in the bedroom,” he mutters and Jensen waves him away, laughing quietly when Sadie licks his cheek. Shaking his head, Jared takes Jensen’s things into their room and sets them on the bed, sighing heavily as he turns and walks back into the hall.

Jensen may have only just gotten home, but the house doesn’t feel as empty as it did before, and Jared feels like he can  _breathe_  now that Jensen is home. He doesn’t have to worry about getting a call from Jensen’s mom, saying that he’s been shot and killed. Remembering the sleepless nights where he’s lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, rifling through every scenario that could have possibly happened to Jensen, Jared swallows hard.

By the time he gets into the kitchen. Jensen’s sitting on the floor, both dogs attacking him with their tongues, tails wagging happily. Laughing to himself, Jared shakes his head and steps forward, kneeling on the floor beside Jensen, scratching the back of Harley’s head. “You wanna get out of those clothes now, or would you rather I take them off later?”

“You can - take them - off now - if you - want to,” Jensen speaks through laughter and pushes both dogs away to look at Jared, a smile on his face. “Just gotta give me a minute to clean all the dog slobber offa my face.” Chuckling, he shifts to his knees and sits back on his heels, resting his arms on Jared’s shoulders, his fingertips running along the nape of his neck, brushing across the hair at the top.

“Yeah, you do that - I don’t like sloppy seconds, you know.” With a wink, Jared moves his hands to Jensen’s hips and squeezes them lightly, leaning in to brush their lips together, mumbling. “Meet me in the bedroom in five minutes, then? And keep all of this,” Jared tugs on Jensen’s button-up shirt, a smirk pulling at the corners of his lips, “on until you get there, got it?”

“Yes  _sir_ , Mr. Padalecki.” Jensen licks his lips idly and pulls away reluctantly, scrambling to his feet before walking through the living room. As he makes his way into the hall, Jensen thinks about everything he missed, and he sighs heavily, chewing on his lip, looking at the pictures on the wall. Before getting to the bathroom door, Jensen stops and smiles at a picture hanging next to the door frame: it’s a photograph of him and Jared together, shortly before he was deployed. Their smiles were fake and plastered, but Jensen really was happy, on the inside of course.

Sighing, he turns away from the photo and pushes the bathroom door open, flipping the light on. When the room is illuminated, Jensen stares at his reflection in the mirror and suddenly it’s not  _him_  - at least not the current him. The face staring back at him is Jensen, but with a blood-stained and torn uniform. His face is streaked with dirt, sweat and tears, blood splattered on his jaw and neck. Jensen swallows hard and closes his eyes, gripping the sides of the sink tightly, gasping for breath.

He remembers where that memory comes from, and he swallows back a sob, holding tears in until his eyes burn. Finally letting the tears go, Jensen sucks in a deep, ragged breath and forces himself to look in the mirror. This time, no dirty-faced, blood splattered soldier is looking back at him—it’s just himself, in his blues, with tears streaming down his face.

_It was just a memory,_  Jensen thinks to himself as he turns the water on, cupping his hands underneath the stream, _just a bad, fucked up memory. I’m not going crazy_. Bending over the sink, Jensen splashes cold water on his face and scrubs both hands down his cheeks, groaning softly as the water rolls off his face. He grabs a towel with one hand and shuts the water off with the other, rubbing the soft fabric against his face.

When he’s dry, Jensen puts the towel back and looks at himself in the mirror, sighing heavily. Turning away, he shuts the light off and walks out of the bathroom, making his way to the bedroom, noticing the door’s already opened. Quirking a brow, Jensen peeks through the crack in the door and pushes it open further, spotting Jared at the foot of the bed, a smile on his face. 

“There you are,” Jared speaks in a soft, seductive voice and Jensen shudders, nodding slowly as he steps into the room. “C’mere, soldier.” With a grin, Jared holds out his hands for Jensen, watching as he shuts the door behind him, before stepping forward, both of his hands outstretched.

Slipping his hands into Jared’s, Jensen smiles softly and makes a quiet noise at the feel of Jared’s skin against his own. “I missed you,” he whispers softly, lacing his fingers with Jared’s, giving his hands a soft squeeze.

“Missed you too, Jensen,” Jared breathes out as he brings Jensen’s hands up to his face, kissing his knuckles lightly, mumbling against them, “so much. Waited two years for this, can’t wait another second..” Without another word, Jared drops one of his hands away from Jensen’s and moves it to the front of his slacks, popping the button quickly. 

“Jared…” Licking his lips slowly, Jensen moves his free hand to the back of Jared’s head, threading his fingers through his hair slowly. This pulls a soft hum from Jared’s throat and Jensen chuckles quietly, cocking his head to the side, watching his boyfriend’s hand work on undoing his slacks. 

Once the zipper is down, Jared looks up at Jensen and grins, winking at him. “Like I said, waited too long - can’t wait much longer.” Jensen laughs at the statement and makes a soft  _oof_  noise when Jared pushes him back away from the bed, dropping his other hand.

Wrapping both hands around the backs of Jensen’s thighs, Jared sinks to his knees and pulls his slacks down, letting them fall around his ankles. He groans low in the back of his throat and snakes his hands up Jensen’s legs slowly, gripping his thighs before lifting his hands, grabbing the waistband of his boxer briefs. Looking up, Jared smiles at Jensen before dragging his briefs down slowly, letting them rest around his thighs.

“Jared, you don’t—”

“I know I  _don’t_ , but I want to. Just shut up and enjoy it, okay?” Jensen nods and bites his lower lip, moving both hands to the back of Jared’s head, listening to him chuckle. Taking a deep breath, Jared wraps a hand around the base of Jensen’s cock and leans in, licking the head slowly, pulling a loud gasp from his boyfriend’s throat. 

“ _Christ._  I forgot - forgot how amazing your tongue feels, Jared.” Jensen lets his eyes close slowly, and he gives Jared’s hair a small tug when he feels his tongue swirl around the head slowly, moving along the slit. It’s a sensation Jensen hasn’t felt in two years and he doesn’t contain himself, or his moans. 

So, when he feels Jared take the entire length of his cock in one go, without warning, Jensen can’t stop himself from bucking his hips forward. He lets his head roll back slightly and lets out a loud moan, tangling his fingers in Jared’s hair, holding him in place. Jared’s moaning - or is he gagging? - around Jensen’s cock and he pulls his hips back, pulling his cock out of Jared’s mouth, leaving just the head between his lips, letting out a chuckle-moan. “Sorry..”

Shaking his head, Jared pulls off with a wet popping noise and strokes Jensen’s cock, looking up at him, grinning. “It’s alright - fuck my face all you want.” He winks and leans forward, wrapping his tongue around the head of Jensen’s cock as he strokes the shaft slowly, reveling in the noises his boyfriend makes.

“Jesus fuck— _Jared._ ” Jared’s name escapes Jensen’s lips in a sigh and he bites the corner of his bottom lip, cupping the back of Jared’s head with one hand, while he places the other on top of his head, fingers still tangled in his hair. When the head of his cock hits the back of Jared’s mouth, Jensen lets out a loud moan and tugs his boyfriend’s hair harder, panting out, “Can’t take this much longer, J…”

Closing his eyes, Jared gives a slight nod and starts bobbing his head up and down, hollowing his cheeks out as he sucks Jensen’s cock hard, causing him to nearly scream. Chuckling, he keeps sucking harder, swirling his tongue around Jensen’s cock more, moving a hand to his balls, cupping them gently.

Jensen swallows hard and pushes his hips forward, fucking Jared’s face as he moans out, “Gonna come. Don’t _\- don’t_  wanna come yet, Jared.” The last words come out as a whine and he draws it out when Jared pulls away with a pop, licking his lips slowly.

“What—want me to fuck you first? Make you come while my cock’s deep inside you?” Jared strokes Jensen’s cock slowly and looks up, thumbing underneath the head slowly, chuckling when he noticing Jensen biting down on his lower lip. “Or maybe I could make you come now,” he breathes as he leans in, pressing a kiss to the inside of Jensen’s thigh, “and  _then_  fuck you - make you come twice for me..”

Jensen’s hips buck forward into Jared’s hand and the fingers in his hair pull harder, causing Jared to let out a soft moan. “Don’t care, Jared,” Jensen pants out and swallows, looking down at Jared, “just want you inside me— _please_.”

Laughing, Jared nods and bites Jensen’s thigh before standing up, dropping his hand away from Jensen’s cock. He doesn’t say anything when he’s vertical, just kisses Jensen softly, one hand cradling the back of his neck, while the other moves to unbutton his shirt. Moving his fingers slowly, Jared undoes each button as he kisses Jensen slowly, parting his lips to drag his tongue along Jensen’s, tracing them slowly.

A moan escapes as Jensen parts his lips and he breathes deeply through his nose, hands moving down to the front of Jared’s jeans, playing with the button idly. When Jared’s tongue slips between his lips, Jensen lets out a louder moan and barely touches the tip of his tongue against Jared’s. He can feel his boyfriend shiver and smiles into the kiss, popping the button on Jared’s jeans, before working on the zipper.

“Jen,” Jared mumbles as he pulls away, licking his lips idly, his hand resting on the middle of Jensen’s stomach, a lazy smile on his face. “You do know that we have  _all_  the time in the world, right?”

Snorting, Jensen pushes Jared’s jeans down and grumbles, “Says the man who couldn’t  _wait_  to suck my cock.” When the denim is around Jared’s thighs, Jensen moves his hands up and cups his ass tightly, pulling Jared toward him, whispering, “Besides - I’ve waited  _too_  long for your cock, I don’t think I could last much longer without it.”

“I see that being overseas didn’t change you—you _still_  need my cock as much as you ever did,” Jared mumbles quietly as he leans down, brushing his lips along Jensen’s jaw slowly. 

“Of course - I went  _all_  that time with nothing but memories and thoughts of you and that gorgeous cock of yours. Now that I’m  _home_ , I’d rather not dwell on the memories; I want the real thing.” Sighing the last words out as Jared bites at his jaw, Jensen moves his hands up and slips them underneath the waistband of Jared’s boxers. His fingers slide down the perfect shape of Jared’s ass and Jensen grabs it again, kneading his fingers into the flesh.

Swallowing hard, Jared bites Jensen’s jaw even harder and lets out a soft moan when his ass is grabbed. “Then I suggest,” he whispers as he finishes undoing the last few buttons, pushing Jensen’s shirt open slowly, “that you get your ass on the bed.”

“Yes sir,” Jensen breathes in reply before reluctantly pulling his hands away from Jared’s ass, moving them up his back, pulling his shirt up slowly. “Right after we get you out of this stupid,  _stupid_  shirt..”

“Hey, you bought this shirt for me..” Laughing softly, Jared pulls back and moves his hands up Jensen’s sides slowly, running them over his chest and shoulders. “But I guess you can call it stupid, if you  _want to,”_ he mutters as he pushes his hands over Jensen’s shoulders, pushing his shirt off of them.

Jensen shakes his head and chuckles quietly, pulling his hands away from Jared and his shirt, to grab the ends of his sleeves, tugging his own shirt off. “It’s a nice shirt just stupid because it’s covering up your beautiful, perfect body.”

There’s a soft noise of fabric moving against skin as Jensen pulls his shirt all the way off, before letting it fall onto the floor. Licking his lips slowly, he pushes Jared back toward the bed, before moving both hands down to the hem of his tank top, gathering it between his fingers.

With slow movements, Jensen moves the white cotton up his skin slowly, watching Jared with an amused expression. The feel of the fabric moving up his stomach makes Jensen shiver and he bites his lower lip, letting his eyes flutter shut for a fleeting second. When they open again, he locks them on Jared and lifts the tank top up, exposing his tanned stomach, where he knows he’s got a few scars.

In the back of his mind, Jensen hopes - and prays - that Jared can’t see the scars but, as he lifts the shirt higher, he decides that he doesn’t care either way; Jared will love him, whether he’s perfectly intact or if he’s got a few battle scars. Wincing at the thought of the war, Jensen shakes his head and clenches his eyes shut, lifting the tank top higher, exposing his chest.

“You’re beautiful, Jensen.” Jared’s barely-there, breathless words pull Jensen from his thoughts and he snaps his eyes open, blinking rapidly. He looks at Jared, who’s sitting on the edge of the bed, hands resting on either of his thighs, eyes locked on Jensen’s body. A blush fleets across Jensen’s cheeks as he switches hands, grabbing the opposite end of the shirt with each one, crossing his arms slightly.

He pulls his shirt up and over his head slowly, listening to the sound it makes when it scrapes across his hair, before dropping the fabric to the floor. Once it’s off, Jensen runs his hands down his body slowly, watching Jared’s eyes grow wide, before bending down to pull his boots off. One by one, Jensen unlaces his boots and yanks them off, tossing them to the floor behind him. 

When he straightens up and kicks his jeans and briefs off, Jensen smiles sheepishly at Jared before stepping forward, grabbing the bottom of his shirt. “This needs to come off now,” he whispers before pulling the fabric up Jared’s body, allowing his eyes to scan down. As he pulls the shirt up further, Jensen allows his gaze to wash over Jared’s stomach and he moans, tugging the fabric up and over Jared’s head.

“Better?” Jared asks, a smirk on his face as he moves his hands to grip either of Jensen’s hips, thumbing across his hipbones slowly. Breathing softly, Jensen nods his head and locks his gaze on Jared’s body, eyes moving up his chest and along his shoulders, another moan leaving his throat.

After a moment, Jensen reaches out and brushes his fingertips over Jared’s shoulders, allowing them to move along the dips in his skin. “Much better,” he mumbles in a quiet voice, before moving forward, straddling Jared’s lap. 

Nodding slowly, Jared moves his hands around and slips them up the curve of Jensen’s back, resting them on his shoulders as he leans in, kissing him softly. The kiss is short and slow, but Jensen responds with passion and bites at Jared’s lips when he pulls away, a chuckle rumbling low in his chest.

“Impatient?” 

“Just wanna kiss you,” Jensen whines in reply to Jared’s question and leans in, nipping his lower lip gently. A moan escapes Jared’s mouth and he closes his eyes, digging his nails nails into Jensen’s skin, dragging them down his spine slowly. “Wanna kiss you  _all_  over, Jared.”

Shivering, Jared swallows and nods slowly, mumbling, “Then why don’t you?”

“Because I want you to  _fuck me_  first.” Chuckling softly, Jensen kisses Jared and pulls away, moving around the end of the bed, before climbing onto the mattress behind Jared. He lays on his back and bends his knees, settling his feet against the mattress, his legs spread slightly.

Turning to look at Jensen, Jared lets out a soft moan and nods, standing up. He kicks his jeans and boxers off to the side and opens the nightstand, grabbing a bottle of lube and a condom, setting them on the bed next to Jensen. Without hesitating, Jared climbs onto the mattress and settles between Jensen’s legs, moving both hands up and down his thighs slowly. 

“You’re so  _goddamn_  beautiful, Jensen,” Jared murmurs as he leans down, crouching over Jensen’s body as he plants soft kisses to the inside of his thighs. His hair brushes along Jensen’s skin and causes him to shiver, both hands tangling in the long locks, tugging it gently. Making a soft noise against Jensen’s thigh, Jared pulls away and grabs the bottle of lube, popping the top on it. 

“Missed you,” Jensen croons as he cants his hips up, contorting on the bed, “missed your lips and your fingers—your  _hands—_ all over me..” Jared chuckles softly as he straightens up, pouring lube onto his fingers before dropping the bottle back onto the bed, eyes locking on Jensen’s. 

“You ready?” Jared’s voice is low and rough and Jensen nods his head, swallowing hard as he pulls his hands away from Jared’s hair, letting them drop to his stomach. Sucking in a deep breath, he lifts his hips higher and lets out a small moan when he feels Jared’s fingers brush across his entrance. 

Leaning over Jensen’s body, Jared kisses his chest lightly and murmurs against his skin, pushing his fingertips past the first ring of muscles, “Shh, Jensen - it’s okay, I won’t hurt you.” 

“ _Ngh_ , Jared—” Drawing Jared’s name out, he lifts his hips and pushes them back against his boyfriend’s hand, whining low in his throat. Jared shushes Jensen quietly and kisses up until he reaches his nipple, teeth grazing over it slightly. A louder whine leaves Jensen’s throat and he pushes his hips back against Jared’s hand roughly, moving his own to the bed, gripping the sheets tightly. 

The digits slide in further at an unbearably slow pace and Jensen arches off the bed, his spine curving as he lets his head roll back, pressing against the pillow. A low growl escapes from Jared’s lips as he sucks on Jensen’s nipple lightly, just barely separating his fingers before closing them. They slide in further until they reach the last knuckle and Jared crooks them slightly, smirking when he hears Jensen whine loudly, feeling a hand move back to his hair.

“You’re  _real_  fucking tight, Jen,” he mutters as he pulls away, lapping at Jensen’s nipple before biting it, “dunno if my cock’ll even  _fit_  in you.” The noises that come from Jensen’s mouth when he bites down on his nipple even harder, cause Jared to growl and pull away, his fingers sliding out slowly.

This elicits a loud whine from Jensen and he pants softly, his hips canting even more. “Then go -  _oh fucking hell,”_ Jensen gasps when Jared pushes his fingers back in and tugs his hair roughly, half-moaning as he continues, “go - go slow, then..”

“Don’t worry, I will — for a while.” Grinning, Jared leans down and catches Jensen’s lips with his own, kissing him hungrily as he pulls his fingers out slowly, separating them. The kiss is sloppy and wet and Jensen’s making noises that Jared’s only ever heard in porn, and he slips his fingers in again, applying more pressure once they’re in fully.

“Fuck me  _now_ , Jared.” The words come out as a breathless whisper when Jensen pulls back from the kiss and Jared laughs, nodding slowly. Pulling his fingers out, he settles back against his heels, reaching for the lube and the condom. 

As he tears the wrapper open, Jared watches Jensen carefully, teeth worrying over his lower lip before he slips the condom out. He hesitates for a moment and looks down, fumbling with the latex, his fingers shaking slightly out of nervousness and he exhales sharply.

Finally, after a moment, Jared slides the condom on over his cock and makes sure it’s on all the way, before grabbing the bottle. He pops the top quickly and pours lube onto his cock, stroking it in before tossing the bottle to the side. With his dry hand, Jared grabs Jensen’s hip and pulls him closer, the head of his cock nudging against his entrance. 

“Ready?”

“ _Jared_ ,” Jensen growls in response as he lifts his hips, his heels digging into the mattress as he tries to push back against Jared desperately. “Don’t tease me,  _please_.”

Shaking his head and laughing, Jared nods and leans forward, one hand wrapped around the base of his cock, the other pressed against the mattress beside Jensen. He licks his lips slowly and pushes the head of his cock against Jensen’s entrance, groaning  _loudly_  at the sudden, tight heat. “Fuck, Jen..”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck -  _fuck_ …” Whining loudly, Jensen moves his hands to the small of Jared’s back, his fingertips digging into his skin roughly. When Jared pushes forward, Jensen whimpers and lets out small pained noises, biting at his lower lip. It had been over two years since he’d done this, and he forgot how badly the first time (after a while, that is) hurts.

Jared stills his hips, cock halfway inside of Jensen, and blinks, whispering, “Are you alright, Jensen? I can - I can stop, if you need me to.”

“No, I’m—” Jensen grits his teeth and sucks in a deep breath, exhaling slowly through his nose before continuing, “I’m okay, just - keep going, please?”

Nodding his head, Jared pushes in slowly and bites back a groan, his eyes locked on Jensen. He takes in every single thing about the man in front of him; the way his freckles shine in the soft light, and the way his eyelashes flutter as his eyelids closed, hiding the gorgeous green irises behind them. 

“You really are  _beautiful_ , Jensen.” Jared groans the words out as he pushes all the way in, his hips pressing firmly against Jensen’s ass. Shaking his head in response to Jared’s compliment, Jensen lets out a loud moan and rotates his hips slowly, working them back against Jared.

Clenching his eyes shut, Jared pulls out slowly, the sound of Jensen’s ragged, shallow breathing filling his ears before he pushes back in. The head of his cock brushes against Jensen’s prostate and he lets out a loud moan, dragging his nails up the middle of Jared’s back.

“Fuck, Jared.” The words come out as an even but quiet breath and he arches his back, digging his nails into Jared’s skin hard enough to draw blood. A hiss escapes Jared’s throat and he drops his head, kissing along Jensen’s rib cage, his hair dragging along Jensen’s skin slowly. 

Breath coming in heavy gasps and pants, Jared pulls out until just the head of his cock is still inside of Jensen, before slamming his hips forward. Loud moans leave both of their mouths at the same time and Jared leaves open mouthed kisses all over Jensen’s skin, kissing up and down his stomach slowly. 

Jensen works his hips against Jared’s and moves both hands up this shoulders, nails digging into the tanned flesh. Another hiss comes out of Jared’s mouth, mixed with a moan and he snaps his hips forward, slamming them against Jensen’s roughly. It doesn’t take long for his body to tense at the feel of Jensen’s tightness wrapping around him, clenching more and more every time he pulls out, and Jared bites at Jensen’s stomach lightly.

“Not gonna last very long,” he mutters as he laves at the bite, moving one of his hands to Jensen’s cock, stroking it slowly, “want you to come with me, Jen -  _please_.” As he speaks, Jared quickens his pace and twists his wrist, thumbing underneath the head of Jensen’s cock, listening to him moan and whimper, his name a constant mantra on Jensen’s lips. 

Swallowing hard, Jared straightens up and grips Jensen’s hip with his free hand, thrusting into him harder, their moans filling the air, drowning out the sound of their hips slapping together. Losing rhythm with both his hips and his stroking, Jared slumps forward again and catches Jensen’s lips with his own again, kissing him hungrily, every one of their noises dying away and becoming muffled.

He bottoms out with one last thrust, the head of his cock hitting Jensen’s prostate roughly, causing him to cry out, nails dragging along Jared’s shoulders, moving down his arms. Jared can feel Jensen clench around his cock and he pushes his hips forward again, coming hard as he moans Jensen’s name out against his lips, panting heavily.

“I’m gonna - gonna— _fuck, Jared_!” Jensen half-screams as he lifts further off the bed and thrusts his hips up, coming all over Jared’s hand and stomach, his name coming out of Jensen’s mouth as a scream. Their hips still and Jared pulls his hand away, smoothing it over Jensen’s stomach, smiling lazily as he leans in to kiss him, their lips working together slowly. This kiss is sloppy and Jared doesn’t care that he’s got Jensen’s tongue all over his lips and cheek, because it’s  _Jensen_.

They kiss for a few minutes, breathing heavily into the kiss and Jensen occasionally whimpers when Jared shifts, his cock moving deeper inside of him. After chuckling and apologizing several times, Jared finally pulls out and gently lays Jensen back on the bed, before climbing off of it, standing on less than stable legs.

“You alright?” He asks, his voice tired and weak, sounding completely fucked-out, and Jensen turns his head, smiling at Jared, nodding as he bites his lower lip. Smiling back, Jared nods and mutters ‘good’ under his breath before pulling the condom off, excusing himself as he walks toward the door, disappearing into the hall.

The room is quiet and Jensen closes his eyes, shifting his hips on the bed, wincing at the pain in his backside. All in all, Jensen’s day has started off horribly and ended well - he finally got to spend time with Jared that he hadn’t been able to have for two years. But, the longer he lays there in the silence, waiting for Jared, the more Jensen thinks about that morning and he swallows thickly. He can feel his throat closing and he lets out a small whimper, the image of Richard laying on the ground, bloody and lifeless flashes across his mind.

“Jared!” His name comes out as a soft scream and Jared runs back into the room, staring at Jensen, who’s curled up on the middle of the bed, hands on his face. He walks over to the bed and sits on the edge, smoothing a hand down over Jensen’s hair, shushing him quietly.

“What’s wrong?” Jared’s voice is soft and his hand stills on the back of Jensen’s head, fingertips grazing over his hair. A strangled noise leaves Jensen’s throat and he pulls his hands away, looking up at Jared with tear-rimmed eyes, opening his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. “Okay, Jensen - hey, it’s alright, don’t cry… You’re home now.”

Closing his eyes, Jensen shakes his head and grabs onto Jared, pulling him close and burying his face against his stomach, mumbling, “S’not okay, Jared. He - he - he’s  _dead_.”

“Who?”

“R-r-r-richard,” Jensen stutters out as he sits up, wrapping both arms around Jared’s neck, before burying his face in the crook. “He died this - this morning,” he whisper-sobs against Jared’s skin and takes a deep, ragged breath before continuing, “right before I left..”

Jared swallows hard and moves one hand to the small of Jensen’s back, keeping the other on the back of his head. “Shh, Jensen… it’s okay,” he whispers, rocking Jensen back and forth until the sobs stop and he’s breathing heavily against Jared’s neck.

“I love you.” Jensen pulls away and wipes the tears away with the back of his head, chuckling brokenly as he gives Jared a small, sad smile. “I love you so goddamn much, and - and thank you, for waiting for me for so long. I know it wasn’t easy - what with worryin’ about me all the time, and having to keep yourself from falling into temptation with other men, but… just - thank you.”

Jared snorts and shakes his head, laughing softly as he leans in, kissing Jensen’s lips, cheeks, eyelids, and then his forehead, mumbling against it, “I love you too and I wouldn’t have ‘fallen into temptation’ with anyone because they weren’t good enough. Know why?”

Jensen shakes his head and sniffles, keeping his eyes closed. 

“Because they weren’t  _you_ , Jensen,” Jared answers softly and moves his hand from Jensen’s back, cupping his jaw lightly, smiling. “And I would have waited even longer for you, if you had asked me to.”

Breathing deeply, Jensen pulls Jared down into bed and kisses him slowly, tracing his lower lip with the tip of his tongue in an almost-but-not-quite innocent way, smiling when Jared pulls back. 

Neither of them say anything, Jared just looks into Jensen’s eyes and thumbs across his cheek, breathing softly. Jensen keeps his eyes locked on Jared’s and runs his fingertips over the fine hairs at the nape of his neck, giggling when Jared shivers. 

“I just wanna go to sleep,” Jensen mutters, eventually breaking the silence, and yawns, almost as if affirming his request. “Wanna sleep and not think about anything - not Richard, not Misha or anyone else I know over there still. Just wanna fall into bed with you and sleep ‘til tomorrow, then I wanna see my family.”

Nodding, Jared moves so he’s laying on his back and pulls Jensen to his chest, pressing a kiss against his hair. “Goodnight, soldier. Sleep well, and I’ll be here if you need me.”

“Love you, Jared,” Jensen yawns out before resting his arm low on Jared’s stomach, resting his head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. Breathing softly, Jensen drifts off to sleep and Jared thumbs across his back, pulling a blanket over the both of them once Jensen is out.

Half an hour later, Jared’s falling asleep with his head resting against Jensen’s, listening to his boyfriend whisper his name in his sleep. Jared falls asleep with a smile on his face and the love of his life back in his arms, safe and sound.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for any errors you found... and for, I dunno, killing your feelings?


End file.
